Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
