i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
