jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
