we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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