the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Randomize
