currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
