so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
