I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
