I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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