upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Randomize
