she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
