Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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