She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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