I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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