I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
