...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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