im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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