Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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