My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You were trust falling into bushes
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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