she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
