I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
