Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
