pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
