Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
