all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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