you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
