Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
There are leaves in my underwear?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
