so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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