I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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