Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
