In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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