I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
