Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
