I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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