He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
