Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
