Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize