BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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