I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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