I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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