Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
