Is it normal to miss your booty call?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
