Sponge bath it is.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
