We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
