So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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