hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
