For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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