The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
So squirting runs in the family.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
