All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
