I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
