i was born a porn star she said
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
