Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
