see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
