just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
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