When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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