Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
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