who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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